A one-act play about the VMA nominations

July 21, 2011

ALEX: Am I the only one that thinks “Run the World” is perhaps one of Beyonce’s worst songs, ever? I think it might be.

KATHERINE: IT’S SO BAD. It lacks a melody or some integral part of what comprises a song. It’s just words, strung along.

ALEX: And strange noises.

KATHERINE: Yes. I don’t understand why Beyonce can’t just do a cover album. That Glastonbury performance of “The Beautiful Ones” and “Sex on Fire” — I want a whole album of that.

ALEX: That would be awesome! I didn’t even think of that. I still haven’t listened to any of Glastonbury.

KATHERINE: Yeah, she actually makes “The Beautiful Ones” a BETTER SONG. Here you go:

KATHERINE: Oh also, she acts like an insane person.

ALEX: Uh yeah, I’ll say.

KATHERINE: This is the sort of behavior that makes me want to see Beyonce in concert. Just a couple hours where you walk out and go “I don’t even know what she did up there. I can’t even.”

ALEX: That was me after Lady Gaga except it was more like “Why couldn’t she STFU all night?” She literally talked for like 15 minutes sometimes.

KATHERINE: I have no interest in things Lady Gaga wants to say. I can barely listen to our president as it is.

ALEX: Justin Bieber has a video up for Best Male Video of the Year, and it’s just a… stupid video, like there’s nothing really wrong with the song but it doesn’t compare to others, and you know it will win, because teenage girls have nothing better to do than vote on it 123986213 times.

KATHERINE: It’s punishment, I think, for when we wasted our middle school and high school years with only mildly mockable-in-hindsight post-9/11 pop punk and rap.

ALEX: Clearly. If we could detach our lips from Adele’s power teet maybe we can try and oust Bieber and that stupid “E.T.” of Perry’s.

ALEX: I think “Rolling in the Deep” is nominated for every category, I’m surprised there isn’t a category called “Rolling in the Deep” with Adele’s video nominated five times.

KATHERINE: Most unlikely number one hit of ever. Here’s how you know it will hold up though, even though I never really loved that song, I don’t hate it.

KATHERINE: Like Rush Limbaugh and the band Rush Sing a Duet Grand Mal Seizure Song: the clean version of “Fuck You.” At first I liked it, but now. Oh, now.

ALEX: Ohhh now.

ALEX: Don’t even get me started.

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